Quickie no.3, All Aboard!

Here's the slightly altered cover I went with, which didn't help matters one whit. I fought with the plot, the characters and the porn, despite my thinking writing Quickies would help when I was drowning in a writing rut.  Ha.

I left it alone for a couple days because the laptop had died, then slouched on the sofa with the IBM and banged out a plot only very slightly what I had intended when I wrote myself into a corner with the title already posted at the end of Zero G-Spot.  It went in a rather unexpectedly, ummm, wet direction.

Available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

Quickie no. 3

"All Aboard!" has finally been uploaded and should go live on Amazon early tomorrow.  I wound up having to edit it on the Kindle after fighting with three different laptops, one being completely dead now.

I'll have the links here when I update the post once the Nook version goes live-- they tend to take around 72 hours no matter what.  Amazon now takes maybe 4-5 hours for each story I've published.

Grr.

I just lost a chunk of work because one of my laptops suddenly crapped out on me. You know, you type up that perfect turn of phrase, the wittiest line of your sad, sad writing career, then the screen goes black and all the little lights go dead and you say words sailors haven't even heard of. I'll be kicking myself for the rest of the day to try and rewrite those two lost paragraphs I've imagined were much better than they probably were in reality. 

Two stinking paragraphs.  TWO.

So I put away the shiny new-ish Windows piece of poopy and dusted off the elderly IBM loaded with Linux, which I should've been using anyway because there's something just not right about the newer one's keyboard. Like, it sounds cheap and the L key never seems to work for some reason when I type fast and the keys are too flat and oh my god I can't stand it. 

Of course my fancy graphics programs are on the poopy new one so I still have to use it.  Fuck a duck sideways.

Couple hours later... Christ on a bike. It's dead as some doo-doos, most likely due to a power supply issue rather than a deceased hard drive because none of the little lights are on.  I've replaced half a dozen hard drives and things with dead hard drives usually boot up even if they only click and whirr at me.  I at least was able to backup everything before it died for good.

So, yay for me having to use an old version of LibreOffice with no spellcheck or thesaurus which were both on there the last time I used this elderly laptop.

Updated Quickie no. 2

I didn't feel like Quickie no. 2 "Zero G-Spot" was strong enough so I did a rewrite and just now uploaded the new manuscript. It usually only takes Amazon a few hours to post any changes so the corrected version should go live sometime before 5:00 pm EST.

I could've said the hell with it and left it but I didn't want a snoozy load of crap with a great cover floating around out there with my name on it, even for 99¢. It was porny, yes, but just not porny enough.

Update:  New version is now live!

New Scienfornication Story Preview

The word "scienfornication" is a play on Amazing Stories' awesome "Scientifiction" logo ("scientifiction" was the term used before "science fiction"). Why not? There's science. There's fornication. No reason why I shouldn't cram both words together into an ungodly portmanteau.

I remembered to put "scienfornication" on the cover of The Empress of Orgazma, then forgot to put it on any of the others. Go me!

Here's a preview of the cover of Quickie no. 3: All Aboard! which should go live by the 21st.

"A Thrilling New Scienfornication Story."  Yeah, this cover's totally getting flagged as "adult" despite having her naughty bits covered by text and whatnot, though her whatnots aren't completely hidden.

Science!

What's Next?

I'll be posting about each story and collection as they're released with the occasional cover preview and whatever odd thing comes to mind when I'm scrounging around in pulp mags for ideas.  I also have some thoughts about the second series I'm still flip-flopping on a name for.  Something Something Rockets. Rocket Something. Mumble mutter rocket mutter.

makes whooshing rocket noise

I should've started a writing blog months ago but I already have two other blogs in another name and I didn't think I had the time to ignore one more blog because I could spend that time ignoring vacuuming and the dishes in the sink.  If I leave the dishes in the sink long enough they'll eventually evolve into a life form that can run the vacuum.  That's the way science works, right?  Right?!?

Spicy Science Stories

These are the first four full stories and two Quickies in this series. I have the outlines for two more full stories and another Quickie, then these will be published together as a collection sometime in April.

No. 1: Quantum Jacking. I have no idea where this story came from. It could've easily popped into my head at work fully formed when I hadn't had enough coffee and was vulnerable to such nonsense. I'm completely certain I had a fever when I made the cover since my blur tool was twice as many pixels wide as it should've been and I'm reasonably sure I know how to make realistic smoke now.

Looky! Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

No. 2: Circuits of Lust. This one doesn't appear on all Amazon searches because of the 1950s nudie woman cover image so it's been flagged as "adult," as though the others I've put in the Erotica category are somehow not adult.

She does love her mining droids and she's very very adult about it.

Amazon and/or Barnes and Noble.

No. 3: The Empress of Orgazma. This was originally thunk up a couple of years ago.  The main character was either going to be a diplomat or a starship captain with creative ways of diplomacy. I think I started out with the idea that they'd travel to weird planets and this guy would bang aliens so treaties would be signed, but I ran out of aliens after the third planet. Oh, and tentacles!

Amazon or Barnes and Noble.

No. 4: Science With Benefits. This one is my favorite so far. It has a Battletits champion, gangsters, a batshit-crazy lady mad scientist and a cover that mostly appropriates old-timey detective magazines.

Amazon & Barnes and Noble.

Quickie no. 1: Three On An Asteroid. I realized I was spending two weeks per story fighting with plots and not doing anything else so I came up with "Quickies" which are maybe a third the length of the others. They let me play with minor characters and there's less plot but just as much porno as in the longer stories, I mean erotica.  Oh, what the hell, it's fucking porno.

Amazon y Barnes & Noble.
 

Quickie No. 2: Zero G-Spot. Here's another one that doesn't show up on some searches because of the 1950s woman on the cover I unfortunately removed the clothes from. She was barely wearing anything anyway but the character in the story wouldn't have been wearing filmy stuff under her uniform.

Amazon.  Barnes and Noble.

Some Sort of Intro

I didn't start out writing retro space smut.  No sir.  I'd tried various genres nobody bought or that I got bored with after the second paragraph, but somewhere in the back of my mind about two years ago a story about a space captain with creative ways of diplomacy appeared.  And festered.  And dug around and made a nest.  That festering, nesting tumor would eventually become my third published erotica story "The Empress of Orgazma" but I had to kick it around and abuse it for a few months before I even typed up anything that resembled notes.  Up to then it was only a stupid story I amused myself with at work when things got dull, and made myself choke with suppressed laughter when I knew it was hopeless to try and explain the expression on my face to my boss.  

Recently I dug out some emails when I was mid-process in my plot to ruin modern erotic sci-fi.  I apparently wrote the outlines (such as they were) for the first three stories while I had a nasty cold during the Xmas holidays.  Fever wouldn't explain this distressing paragraph which I sent to an actual human because it was sent nearly a week before I left town.

"Today at work I was mentally writing my space porn epic and because I'm a terrible person I decided it needed a guy with an artificial ass.  I already have a guy who wanks into the quantum drive (dunno what that is but it sounds science-y), a woman who has a fetish for mining robots, experimental sentient vegetables and a poor diplomat who's forced to fuck some godawful alien queen so she'll sign a treaty."

And this odd bit  a couple days later: 

"I'll have to think up an embarrassing name to put in honkin' big letters.  I'm leaning towards a fake pulp mag umbrella title with each story having its own even dumber title.  Saucy Space Adventures: Sentient Tits From Mars." 

Disappointingly I haven't written a story with sentient tits from any planet. Battletits, yes, but no sentient tits. I'll get to the artificial ass eventually.