Captain Future Does Stuff

I'm currently reading this particular pulp series, though I'm not quite halfway through Captain Future and the Seven Space Stones, Winter 1941. The eponymous Space Stones in this story each hold part of a secret technology formulated by an ancient Martian scientist whose name I can't be arsed to look up and one man, the amusingly named Ul Quorn, wants that secret so he can take over the solar system.

Thankfully author Edmond Hamilton dropped his usual formula of having the bad guy wear some sort of alien-looking disguise forcing Captain Future to have to pick from four suspects, and yes it's been exactly four suspects in all the previous issues, and usually the bad guy kills a couple of the others saving Future the effort of muddling through a lot of deduction. Oh, did I mention Curt Newton, alias Capt. Future, is a Wizard of Science? Not much real science in these things and what he usually does is MacGyver himself out of whatever jam he's in using the non-scientific stuff I have in my closet right now even though he has a space ship laboratory full of all kinds of science gadgets and doodads.

Future's love interest is a fairly soppy fangirl named Joan Randall, an alleged crack Planet Police agent who's usually captured in every issue more than once. Really, she's the worst agent there is. She also gushes over Future a lot, much like nice girls in 1940s sci-fi do, and he broods about her for all of one sentence and then completely fails to say goodbye to her at the end of the story with a big, sloppy snog. 

Future, you're such a shlemiel.

This issue they actually go on what might be considered a date if you're dead inside. They go to a carnival and he brings along one of the Futuremen, the really jerkass one, thus ensuring absolutely nothing romantic will happen. Did I mention he was raised by a robot, a jerkass artificial rubbery man and a cranky old scientist's brain in a case after his parents were killed by evil scientists? Well, I think none of the three bothered to tell young Curt what grownups do when they like each other.

Hamilton's plot in this issue is a familiar one that gives Future an arch enemy, the half-Martian Ul Quorn who's just as much a scientific genius as Future though he does way cooler stuff with it, like robbing and killing and plotting to take over the solar system. They do a lot of "I know you're up to something" and "I know you know I'm up to something" and "I know you know I know" but neither stops the other. This guy is also in issue #7 The Magician of Mars so he'll be Future's dime store Ming the Merciless for a while which sounds way better than some rich guy screaming, "Somebody blew up my stuff!" and having three other guys say they didn't because anyway the first guy did it to create a monopoly of whatever it is he's producing or mining.

This is also the first issue with an amusingly evil female character, or any female character who isn't soppy Joan Randall. N'rala is a Martian femme fatale, claims to have killed men and seems to be screwing Ul Quorn so long as he's going to take over the solar system, though she'd drop him like a hot rock once somebody more powerful comes along. You can tell she's a bad girl because she hides her proton gun in her bodice, probably between her boobs, and her skirt has a slit in it. 

Partway through the story N'rala sees through Captain Future's crap disguise as easily as if he bought it at the last minute from a drugstore Halloween sale rack. They scuffle and there's some stilted insinuation that this is vaguely sexy, with "the subtle, alien perfume of her midnight hair" though Future turns her down leading to this hilarious exchange.

"You're cold as the robots who reared you!" Ohhh, snap! You want some ointment on that burn, Captain?

I shouldn't have been surprised because the heroes in these things always wind up with the soppy girl who'll gladly stay home on his secret moon base cranking out his babies, darning his space suit and cooking dinners that'll sit in the atomic oven drying out because he's late coming home from saving the solar system again. 

Meanwhile N'rala would've boinked his brains out and left claw marks on his back, broken all the dishes throwing them at his head during an argument, then as a parting shot when they break up for the nth time she'll stand out in the street screaming at the top of her lungs that he really sucked in bed. The neighbors love that. He'll brood about it for all of one sentence before he buys her something expensive and begs for her to come back and they have really loud make-up sex. Neighbors also love that.

Any writer worth his salt would be setting this up for a jealous girlfight later in the story but I'm not expecting anything that exciting. I'm also not holding my breath for Joan to finally give Curt a lukewarm grandma kiss on the cheek before he flies back to the moon.